oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
