when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
