Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
