hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
well, you know. whores of a feather.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
