My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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