I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
