I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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