We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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