guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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