Im at strip club and am horny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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