I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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