i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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