Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
