I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
