Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
