Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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