Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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