I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
