I will die if light touches me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Shame is for Republicans.
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