we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
