if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
