I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
