I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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