I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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