On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
