just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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