i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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