Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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