Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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