btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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