Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
