You made me cry and you don't even care
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
MIDGETS
????
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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