remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
