Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
