So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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