You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
