I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it's like iHOP with fire
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
