Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
