Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
