I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
