So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
