I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
