If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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