Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
