Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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