I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
