You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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