You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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