I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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