U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
