i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
